Drafts, Musings and maybe for.....

(1st draft)

Pitter patter, she did not want to miss them; pitter patter came down the rain. But Sara knew down deep inside, nothing would ever be the same. Pitter patter, pitter patter, she thanked God they were sent at just the right time. They sailed into her world with eyes reflecting a soul that was humble and kind.

Her reality, unknown to many, even those who loved her so, were words like, unloved, untouched, and broken, silently carried wherever Sara would go. But in her heart, she trusted them with her words and truth. Maybe it was just an illusion of support, but it brought joy, like fresh flowers, to her eyes so blue.

Pitter patter, the rain became heavy with reality’s soft blowing wind. Sara’s heart was beginning to accept instead of a new love; she had made a new friend. Pitter patter, pitter patter she smiled, it was only a fairy tale written in her mind; besides, she had gotten stuck on which spelling to use, is it entwined or intwined?

Her cabin shook with the sound of thunder while lightning lit up the ocean waves, more words had come to her pen and with their perceived support Sara quietly let the world know what she had to say. Maybe, there was no support or caring thought in their mind, if so, her heart told a lie, and her instincts had been blind.

But regardless of whether it was real, maybe yes or maybe no, for a while it was truth to her and no one else need ever know. A loyal friend Sara would remain, even it in the end she found out she was talking to no one and thus...insane. LOL

How do I account for all of this? To Sara it seemed a one in a million chance, but maybe she was one of many who found themselves in the same circumstance. Who cares she thought, I needed them more than they will ever know, without their perceived love and support God only know if she would have had the strength to......, well we will never know. :)

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  Love is patient and kind; love does  not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its  own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at  wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes  all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Ephesians 4:2  With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

Isaiah 4:6 God will provide be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the STORM and RAIN.        

 (1st draft)

When emptiness stirs and ache for belonging fills your heart, run quickly to My Throne. I am always here, don't forget you are never alone.  Show me your sad blue eyes and tell me of the longing in your soul. I will do over and above all that you would do for Nxxxx and Jxxx and your tears, I will hold. 

In My Throne room you will find real love's satisfaction, not a temporary moment-to-moment thing easily left behind by the newest distraction.  You will feel secure like the children holding your hand on scary rides.  My love will not come and go like the ever changing tides.

Look up at me with trusting blue eyes the same way little children look up at you. Little eyes looking up with simple trust, NEVER doubting you love them too. I know your struggles and through mercy's eyes I see your wayward heart. Run to me precious girl, I will always wipe your tears and give you a clean start.

On earth you will not find perfect love without flaws, love's thorns will crush and disappoint you, sometimes without cause. Mistakes are made every day so hold close to reality, the gentle growth of true love takes time for its roots to burrow deep and be a healthy tree.

What I do may not look like Me, it may confuse you, scare you or ask you to wait but choose to trust Me. Choose to trust in My love of your smile and laughter with a wild heart running free.  I will show you the good and fill in all the missing pieces, in exchange to see your blue eyes shine surrounded by joy's creases.

When I send love, you will know it came from me, he asked me for your heart and I lovingly agreed. So, see them for who they are through the eyes of mercy and grace, allowing them to be imperfect just like you, with your flaws, your failures and yes, your mistakes.

But, run to me like a child who scraped her knee.  I am always here watching until that day I call you home to be with me.  15 minutes "Heaven Time" is all I will allow earth to enjoy your soul.  When you get here you and your heart will never again grow old.

2 Peter 3:8 But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day. (NASB)

Psalms 23:1  The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want.

Proverbs 31:30  Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

2 Peter 3:8 But do not let this one fact escape your notice, beloved, that with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day. (NASB)

So many loved ones have gone on before me, there are days I feel holidays are sad and empty.  But we were the lucky ones born into the arms of family who adored us.  For years we lingered under their loving gaze, being cute, funny and lovable was a plus.

Never did one thing wrong in their eyes, we were loved and our hugs were a sought after prize.  Most if not all have gone along death's pathway, watching us from above knowing they will see us again one day.

The Bible tells us, a year for the Lord in heaven time, is a thousand years here on earth, about 15 minutes heaven time between our earthly death and birth.  So our loved one's smile, and unseen pat our hands, they know they will see us in about five minutes when in heaven our souls will land.

So we have to choose not to be sad because they are all gone.  In  just a few  minutes we will be with them and Jesus, never to be parted again, so hang on. I love all things Thanksgiving, turkey, gravy, hard boiled eggs, green beans, fresh baked rolls, fried okra and especially handmade stuffing.   (since I can't cook)

Dearest Friend....may the day be filled with love and laughter..... with good friends, family and your special someone sitting by your side.  Eating healthy can wait until tomorrow.  I don't want to.....but I will.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  Love is patient and kind; love does  not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its  own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at  wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes  all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Ephesians 4:2  With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

Colossians 3:14  And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.  

Change, what a ginormous word you are, everyone is impacted by the meaning no matter how close or how far.  The cost of ignoring you can be beyond measure, if recognized too late, dreams can disappear like stolen treasure.  

Your never too rich, too poor, too smart, too silly, too serious, too old or too young to miss the mark, we all have all ignored you, forced to live with results that tore us apart. The cost of needed change is sometimes high and sometimes low, I suppose that dictates how serious our thoughts and conversations about it go. 

Change can come in an instant we all have learned, forcing you to stop and learn to breathe again while figuring out which way to turn.  I am surprised at how long certain changes can take, learning to look to God for the strength to patiently wait. 

But....once change has come and gone, you are free to figure out which road to turn on.  Anticipating an adventure no  matter which road you take, trusting God when a u-turn is needed because your heart's GPS made a mistake.

Despite my great big "brave" words about not being scared of being alone, it is still scary having no idea where you will settle and have a home.  Where will the Christmas Tree and all it's presents go, how can I best stay close to friends and loved ones I know?

But please God, hear my heart, I am ready to move on and need this new start.  Some days it is hard to be a Christian who is loving, patient and kind.  You alone know how many days I feel like I'm losing my mind.  

Finally God, (if it isn't too much to ask) can You guide me with Your GPS so I avoid any more u-turns.  I want to enjoy a simple life and a simple love with no more ups and down or heartburn. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7  Love is patient and kind; love does  not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its  own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at  wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes  all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Ephesians 4:2  With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

Sara heard their new songs and knew they did not see her the same, circumstances and delays brought doubts about her sincerity and what was her real name.  She wasn't a liar but those circumstances made it seem so, life and laws with their unexpected twists make everything move ..........?.

Sara thought about everything that could be said in her defense, but she loved her friends too much to take that chance.  Loved them enough to keep them out of harms way, she sighed, content they had a plan with someone special to spend the rest of their days.

Sara knew in time God's path for  her would appear beneath her feet,  "God's got me" she said to her heart as she laid listening to it's nervous beat.  Blood rushing.....she was not a liar no matter what that song said.

For today she would keep choosing to do what God said was right, being faithful to Him, putting aside those dreams she had in the middle of the night.  

No matter how many times she had to look away.....

Impossible for Sara to imagine

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord.  Plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 

My kind friend, are they good to you, she wonder in her heart, how are you?, Sara want to ask, but circumstances, for now, make that first coffee conversation impossible to start.  God put on display a super moon the other night, she stared at it along with the stars and wondered, how many others...were blinded by it's light. (lots and lots  LOL)

She smiled knowing they were resting safely with their loved one in a quiet, private place.  She hoped being well loved kept a peaceful continence hovering on their face.  Well deserved after everything they had been through, it was good to see that life and love in their life God had restored and made new.   

Sara continued to sail on through choppy waters relieved to see the sun rising to light the day. Fighting off impatience as she headed towards a simple, peaceful life in her little bay.  Would her loved ones be there to greet her little ship, let her rest on a new blanket and hold her hand so she wouldn't slip?

So much prayer, so many years of tears, red tape, greed, deception, counseling, regret, redemption, forgiveness, and finally a friendship with honestly had been achieved, but for the little ship it kept sailing on because......(hum, what rhymes with achieved?)

Oh my friend you will never know, but I have asked God to show you........

Thank you Sir, you are too kind, but I think that fourth beer made you late night, dim bar lights, blind.  I am not a young girl and there are scars and wrinkles on my face, you might be disappointed if I woke up tomorrow morning at your place.  

See these boots, like Nancy said, they are made for walking.  I'm only here for line dancing, I am not a snob but I don't feel like talking.  Yes, I heard you, "nothing better than a pair of wrangler jeans", but I am not looking around this place for anyone or anything.

Yes, I do like your big ol' cowboy hat but my feelings don't go any deeper than that.  This heart needs to be alone for a little while, smiling with an occasional tear while planning for a new life and life style. 

Your lucky I don't go grab that new cattle prod you keep bragging about in your truck, ....(so many interesting choices of words to complete this rhyme)

When I am done with it you might say you will really "feel" down on your luck.  LOL

Just kidding, don't be scared, it was just a joke, I would never use this shinny new cattle prod and give anyone a poke.  So, see you later Mr. Cowboy Hat, here's your cattle prod, I just want to dance, dance dance, with nothing more serious than that.

  John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

I woke to the sunlight with its beams dancing on my eyes, I sensed my heart had finally, completely changed to my great surprise. Thank God you are gone, in my mind, in my heart and my soul. You don’t live here anymore, and I hallelujah ….I still feel whole.

I never thought it would happen, I never thought I would feel this way but for now, for today, I don’t have anything left to say. Back and forth and round and round, running my heart’s pen through my brain, but no sad, tearful and lonely words can be found. 

You, "Mr. Fear of Being Alone”’ kept me bound in a place I no longer belonged. I sit and wonder how many poor souls you have kept from moving along. Fear of the future and being put back into the wrong cage, well my darling sweet, cute as a button, friendly, fluffy older dog,…I am proud of you because all of that has slipped and gone away.

Free to roam and go jump in a lake while learning to cook or maybe bake cakes. My mind is free to wander to the north, east, west or even south with the trips I can take. What if I do more than wander in my brain, traveling with less than one bag so baggage claim can’t make me insane??!! 

Oh my gosh, my goodness, gee willikers my smile is hurting my face. A new playlist has been created so I can dance all over the place. I have slowly become myself again and guess what? I decided, despite what had been said, I have a somewhat cute face for a somewhat older mutt.

But wait, that sounds so hard and tough, my owner was broken by God's light on their heart showing them their mean spirit that was too rough.  While there is nothing left in that backyard with it's cage, forgiveness and good friendship has been achieve, with Jesus's help as I turn the page.  

Goodbye "Mr. Fear of Being Alone" in this big world, God and dear, dear friends have got both hands of this fragile little fuzzy, wuzzy girl.  

Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not unto your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him (Him who loves me) and He will direct your paths.

  I felt you as I walked into this place, a evil shadowy figure  hidden while you observed everyone's face.  The unseen realm is one we can sense but not feel, however the affect of angels and demons on our lives is 100% real.

I met a few of you in person throughout my lifetime, I used to think you were a made up thing only existing in horror stories, the Psalms and Solomon's Proverbs rhymes.

Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not unto your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him (Him who loves me) and He will direct your paths.

 T 

Small town souls can live in a big city, even if they aren't New York and LA kind of pretty.  It isn't the back roads and oak trees that make them who they are, hearts like theirs are small town same no matter where they look up at the stars.

 They will find the others with small town souls like theirs, 

A small town soul is not built for big cities, fancy cars and expensive places.  Small town souls need miles of grass with open spaces.  The pressure to play the pretty girl game, has as far as I can see drove a few small town folks insane.      

But then there is love......and friendships that make up for those missing wide open spaces, folks you wouldn't exchange being with just to have "more room to roam" quiet places.  

TBC