Beautiful Blue Birds

No room for another heartbreak, no time 

for another cry.   We run away from confusion while asking a thousand questions why.  Pretending you don't have to deal with this,  was pretending you had time. Everyone expected this would turn around as if life were on a dime.  

I think you always meant well, just having a little fun.  But this heart cant take anymore disappointment, so its best to run.  Wounded birds need healing, from a hand that cares but please don’t stop to help, if you know you won’t ever be there....  

Isaiah 43:4 - God's Promise

Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I  give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life.  

1 Corinthians 13:1-13 - Love Is

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I  am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 

And if I have prophetic powers,  and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith,  so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 

If I give  away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not  love, I gain nothing. 

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or  boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it  is not irritable or resentful; ...

Dear God, please forgive me for being mean today, I am so exhausted I couldn't seem to find one nice thing to say.  For the ones who love me and understand, I know their eyes will hold mercy when we meet again.

Sleeping on office couches while waiting for zoom calls to start, troubles outside of work have weakened my normally kind heart.  No one reaches out for help because their life is going great, I need rest so I can be kind and smile while carrying around this weight.

Tomorrow I close the door with instructions on what to do while I am away.  I want to sleep, turn off my phone and let my words come to life for more than a couple of days.   So hate me in a few weeks if I return and haven't changed, if I am still a mean girl and act the same.

Maybe I will return to sit on the island cliffs where I watched the Orcas dance, or drive out west to watch wild horses in the mountains while they prance.  Little voices are begging me to come with them, help them with their "floaties" and watch them while they swim.  

For those who never walked through the desert of exhaustion land, there is no way they could be expected to understand.  But if you have and you care for me, days like this when I am not perfect, will test whether or not you will flee.

She had been there for years, a scrappy, happy, friendly little dog loved by all, but being older, her photo rarely made the "eligible for adoption” wall. Too busy playing with volunteers, her friends and loving life to notice potential owners when they came around, well,.. maybe once or twice.

She really didn't notice she missed out time and time again, but the day came when a loving young man adopted Floppy, her best dog friend. She spun around so happy for her, but when the door closed, she realized all her friends were gone and a chill ran over her fur. 

A small voice followed closely by fear said, "this small cage may be where you spend the rest of your years". Her favorite blanket left behind by a volunteer who cared, for the first time didn't bring comfort, she looked around at all the puppies and was scared.

Determined to love and make a difference with what time she had left, she loved on other dogs and puppies who arrived scared half to death. One by one she watched them go to their new homes, thankful to have made a difference but there were times she felt alone.

Then a new family visited her for over a year, making many promises to take her home and hold her dear. She decided to take a chance on eight little hands, a huge backyard with an inside bed and lots of love promised by the man.  

A few years after she arrived, slowly things changed, and their lack of attention came as a surprise. She continued to love, guard and protect the house, as for the words "I love you" they became as quiet as the dreaded house mouse. 

Then the day came when the backyard became her permanent home, even the little hands had grown bored with her and once again she slept alone. She had heard of this from other dogs who had been returned, promises of love and affection would grow to be something only the dogs would yearn. 

Then the days came when so many cruel things were said, "what had she done" was the question running through her furry, cute head. Petted and paraded about only on special days, once over she would be put back up into her backyard cage. 

Longing for promises and affection from yesterday but they were rarely given so she ran away.  Several times they convinced her to return with promises of a warm house, but soon she was ignored, like their fat cat pretending not to see the dreaded mouse. 

She felt pity for them; she had done a good job loving and protecting them every day. She took off her little collar knowing she would never put it on again regardless of what they might say. She anticipated their attempts to keep her for themselves, but never again would she trust in anyone who would adopt her only to be put on an unloved backyard shelf. 

She wondered why they were fighting so hard, yet again, for her to return.  She felt nothing but pity with all their words, deeds, prayers and promises of lessons learned. Forgiveness was given taking the burden off of her heart, returning to the shelter and the kindness of friends she would in time, when her heart was ready, make a new start.