The Reality of Thorns

I wonder if true love, real love is found in the softness of a deep friendship?  A growing kind of thing watered by morning coffee and late night conversation's courtship.  

Maybe that's why so many sonnets of old include the softness of nature in their prose.  Bringing to mind the soft petals of a flower, or reflecting on love made while listening to a soft rain shower.

The softness of a true love's touch, when your not feeling well or down on your luck.  Deep love, soft in it's brushing touch across your back, reminding it's intended, I am here, my attention you will never lack.

If love is truly soft, the reality of our lovers thorns will hurt us some days.  If love is hard and built on illusions of perfection, their thorns will easily turn many away.  These Illusions of perfection built only in our minds, will always fold into reality with life's passing time. 

Even red flags blow softly in the wind, some too big to overcome for true love to win.  But, some when combined with yellow, green and white bring balance to our days and soft love to our nights.

We are all bruised, broken and beautiful needing love's soft petal touch, holding  tight to reality so it's easier to endure the thorns on the one we love so much. 

Disappointment has killed many real life stories, when it's first chapter could only be found in movies with a happy ending glory. 

So what do we do with these perfect illusions we build in our minds?  How do we face the reality of our disappointments  that will surely come in time?  Maybe love grown softly surrounded by grace, is a thousand times better than fast love easily discarded by a single red flag ending the race.

hummm... I guess I am not done.  LOL

How many souls throughout time have started off a line in a poem, a song or a letter with "I have loved you with an everlasting love."  It seems silly to those who have never deeply loved but for those who have; the word "everlasting" resonates inside their soul because it's the only one that fits.

That word means I could live without you, but I don't want to.  I will be okay without you, but I don't want to be.  Yes, I'll be fine without you by my side, but that space when I am walking, sitting or talking at a party will seem empty without you in it.

It is a forever word that says, even if I can't have you, I will always love you "everlasting" in whatever way God allows.  Together, apart, close by, far away, in dreams, in memories, but most particularly in quiet moments when my mind is free to roam.

Only those with an "everlasting" love understand why, even when surrounded by friends and loved ones, there is someone you quietly think about in the back of your mind, always.  Because everlasting, is the same word as "always" no matter what.

The dream for most is the reality of your "everlasting"  in that space next to you when you walk, sit and talk at parties.  When surrounded by loved ones your "everlasting" is not just in the back of your mind, but by your side.  

If your love ebbs and flows like a river, the degree going up and down, turning left and right when you don't get what you want, when you want it, then "everlasting" has not been found.  True "everlasting" is an anchor "always" holding our boats in place when the waves come and wind's blow.

Dear Reader, ask yourself "is this love" before you claim the word as your own,  or an illusion of perfection with expectations to topple and  dethrone?  Is it flash in the pan desire lingering for only a while, once satisfied it will leave your heart for the latest and greatest next style?  

Time, friendship and yes, a good bit of desire, are the best fuels to light "everlasting's" forever fire.  Oh to be blessed....to breathe out the word "everlasting" with someone in mind.  Knowing there is someone breathing in the same air with you in mind.  

Well, once again, I changed my mind.  I am not ready... so I won't be sharing my words with other poets anytime.  They are precious to me  and represent my heart, besides, I haven't had the chance, yet, to make my fresh start.

Almost like a child are the words that strangely come from inside of me.  I am amazed at how my heart uses my pen to set them free.  Dad, are you the one sending them my way?  When you left us did you still have things you wanted to say?

When they look at my words about love I placed on my page, will they doubt I  know anything due to the betrayals that came my way.  If they only knew, but they never will, of the ones who deeply loved me and have a small piece of my heart...still.

I wasn't ready when others began using my photos of things I love.  What about my words..... what if they are not loved?  Am I ready and strong enough not to care, when critics bring doubts about what I choose to share?

Fall with all it's Smokey Mountain beauty is coming; but not how I thought it would.  I feel so silly regarding how I misunderstood...but will be okay.  No one died, no one lied, but it dang sure brought a smile to my heart and eyes.  

If a picture can say a thousand words then the one from the sidewalk did the trick.  Bringing clarity when you see it was only in your mind that it all had clicked.  Is it wrong to be both sad and happy to see they still have their person by their side?  I don't think so.......but what do I know?

Being  a true friend means you want what makes your friends the happiest in the end.  Wishing and praying the best "always" for them, once again.  The fall with glorious colors is on the way with it's chilly winds.  It is my favorite time to make new beginnings and sometimes, something old, "new again" .  

The good but somewhat sad news is I can let a few subscriptions go, with that change $, I can wander down to the lake and buy a cup of Joe.  But maybe no, because for "just a little while" I won't be drinking coffee and writing prose.  

No longer a need to check in on what they think is funny each day, besides that will use less data and give my eyes a break.  No matter what, it's good to know which way it all will go.  No more thinking about it at parties and wondering yes or no.

As strange as it may be, they will always be seen as a kind friend to me.  And friends, well they want the best for each other as they go along the way, even if you no longer check in every single day.  If you ever need me.... well you know the rest.  :)

 You never know where a first kiss will lead, a short term dance, forever there romance or ending that made your heart bleed.   If the kiss is blessed and it leads to something more, your heart beating together next to theirs, like never before.

So the dance of hearts begins but what if you both have different ideas of where "potential" or "maybe" could lead?  What if you knew finish lines would never line up together unless someone chose to concede.   Is that fair?  Is it wrong?  I don't know....there isn't a song for that.

It takes time to understand and trust a soul other than your own, but "if" you do  is it true a ring you will never "own"?  For some, a ring represents the "everlasting" anchor for the world to see.  While others will never need a band to believe their love will always be. 

Neither way of two hearts spending the rest of their lives together is wrong, just like music we all  have different view of what's the best song. For some they couldn't chance their forever on a less secure  kind of thing.  Some are not strong enough to carry that weight in their soul.

But then.... there is that kiss.  An you just never know but you decided to find out.

She had been there for years, a scrappy, happy, friendly little dog loved by all, but being older, her photo rarely made the "eligible for adoption” wall. Too busy playing with volunteers, her friends and loving life, to notice potential owners when they came around, well,.. maybe once or twice.

She really didn't notice she missed out time and time again, but the day came when a loving young man adopted Floppy, her best dog friend. She spun around so happy for her, but when the door closed, she realized all her friends were gone and a chill ran over her fur. 

A small voice followed closely by fear said, "this small cage may be where you spend the rest of your years". Her favorite blanket left behind by a volunteer who cared, for the first time didn't bring comfort, she looked around at all the puppies and was scared.

Determined to love and make a difference with what time she had left, she loved on other dogs and puppies who arrived scared half to death. One by one she watched them go to their new homes, thankful to have made a difference but there were times she felt alone.

Then a new family visited her for over a year, making many promises to take her home and hold her dear. She decided to take a chance on eight little hands, a huge backyard with an inside bed and lots of love promised by the man.  

A few years after she arrived, slowly things changed, and their lack of attention came as a surprise. She continued to love, guard and protect the house, as for the words "I love you" they became as quiet as the dreaded house mouse. 

Then the day came when the backyard became her permanent home, even the little hands had grown bored with her and once again she slept alone. She had heard of this from other dogs who had been returned, promises of love and affection would grow to be something only the dogs would yearn. 

Then the days came when so many cruel things were said, "what had she done" was the question running through her furry, cute head. Petted and paraded about only on special days, once over she would be put back up into her backyard cage. 

Longing for promises and affection from yesterday but they were rarely given so she ran away.  Several times they convinced her to return with promises of a warm house, but soon she was ignored, like their fat cat pretending not to see the dreaded mouse. 

She felt pity for them; she had done a good job loving and protecting them every day. She took off her little collar knowing she would never put it on again regardless of what they might say. She anticipated their attempts to keep her for themselves, but never again would she trust in anyone who would adopt her only to be put on an unloved backyard shelf. 

She wondered why they were fighting so hard, yet again, for her to return.  She felt nothing but pity with all their words, deeds, prayers and promises of lessons learned. Forgiveness was given taking the burden off of her heart, returning to the shelter and the kindness of friends she would in time, when her heart was ready, make a new start.

Still not ready by a long shot…

Words when joined together with notes are a powerful force.  They give admiration, love, anger, jealousy, suspicion and negative words a voice.  Words hold power that can be used for the good or the bad, sadly the bad are not easily forgotten like a crazy fashion fad.

What do the songs we choose say about our mind, our soul and our heart?  Music, our chosen music, is the beat of our soul driving blood through our veins, giving our mind a backdrop for the story our heart is writing.  We pick music to soothe our hearts, help us drive angrily down the road, boost our egos, give us strength when needed with color and images only it can bring.

To honor music and the God who gave us the ability to write and play it, enjoy it, hear it, and love it, we must be careful with it’s gift.  Our hope for the writer, play list master and designer, is they are careful about the words they choose.  The good ones, the magical ones, the ones we sing to our self at night, are the ones that last forever.  

If cruel, sad, judgemental or accusing songs are played or chosen all the time, sadly they override the soft, kind, upbeat, loving, heartfelt and dancing ones we play at night in our minds.  Those lyrics.....those words, sometimes...well they cut like a knife.

When you think about the ones sung over and over again for years, do they bring hope, or do they bring tears?  Of course some bring sadness because that is real life, but which ones do we choose so we can smile for a moment in the middle of our strife?

Forgiveness coupled with longing and heartache, well, there was enough for everyone to share, holding the line when love isn't on time and you deeply care. It's funny how smiles are all around, wounds healing slowly would be "almost" invisible and no longer found.

God, do you and Jesus look at each other and smile, watching me run around trying to do it myself until I collapse into a pile? Do you laugh and enjoy my crazy, wild heart, knowing I usually get myself into a bit of trouble before I even start?

I think about how You love me more than my human heart can understand.  The closest I can get to it, is looking down at little fingers holding tightly to my hand. Eyes that say "I trust you" when scary rides blow their mind.  Little eyes looking for reassurance, their hearts knowing I would never be unkind.

Do you feel the same when grown up eyes look up at You?  When they ask for off limits things you know will leave them feeling blue.  I bet Your heart cries the same as mine, when little knees get scraped and bruised for the 100th time.  

How many tears have You and Jesus wiped away, millions and billions I bet, just like mine today.  Thank  you for the Kleenex of Your great love, used to wipe away my tears with peace that could only come from heaven above.

This is all pretty scary today, I am grateful You see my blue eyes looking up trusting You will never turn away.  Thank You for the glory of the woods and the moon up above, created so after a day like this, it's Your way of giving me a big hug.

I hear the gentle summer rain and I finally lift my head, I start to feel breathe in my lungs again but up until now the words in my heart were dead. They did it again, yes once again, tore me to pieces while telling me all about my nonexistent sin. Why would the one who betrayed me want to keep me tied down so I can’t run freely into the wind?

Thinking back on it all, I don’t blame them for wanting to keep someone like me, I just may be a rare find and all their negative words,.. well, I don’t think they even believe. My eyes when I look them don’t shine anymore and I don’t have time or room for words that I could use to even this battles score. 

Maybe they will take it all, or maybe I will have something left, but my soul, my heart and these words are mine until I breathe my last breath. I like my words even if no one else ever sees them, they are mine. Maybe one day like my Dad’s, they will be kept in a place where they last beyond my lifetime. 

How much longer my wild heart cries, “I don’t know” I respond, “we just have to keep praying and trusting the God who does not lie”. I feel peace as my prayers float up into His hands, resting in the small place God has provided for me to be safe from all these shifting sands. 

They see the hourglass and try to turn it over again, but the sand has run out. God’s new life for me planted in His greenhouse is well beyond a sprout. Only a miracle in the form of God speaking himself, would make me put my new life and dreams back on a backyard shelf.